Imposter Syndrome

So completed day 3 of my Gym Instructor course. It’s been long days, hard work, loads of information which has all combined to make it challenging, both physically and mentally.

I’m learning loads and learning I don’t know even more. Now that should’t surprise me or anyone really. I’m not a natural ‘gym bunny’ – in fact I don’t think I ever lifted a dumbbell in anger until summer 2020 ie it was a Covid ‘project’ to take a bit more ownership of my health.

Fast forward nearly a year and starting with that little inkling of ‘ could I ‘ I’m now just hours away from testing myself, and more importantly someone else assessing me, to see if the answer is ‘yes you can’.

Which brings me to the title of this blog post – imposter syndrome.

Something is nagging away telling me this is all wrong – why would someone come to me for help and advice, why would they trust me with their future well-being when less than 5 years ago I didn’t care about me.

And I guess part of the answer, no maybe all of the answer is because I didn’t , then I did, then I did something about it and now I want to pay it forward a little.

The imposter syndrome plays into this in the sense that I feel I’m not quite deserving to be given that trust and responsibility by potential future clients. And it’s something that’s played out previously.

A few years ago I really enjoyed, and I mean really enjoyed my cooking. Would spend hours preparing wonderful 3 and 4 course meals for friends and family and wait for the praise to roll in over the washing up. And then the thought occurred could I make this a career.

What held me back was the recognition that asking people to pay creates a contract that brings with it financial reward but also responsibility. And with a limited, self taught skills base that responsibility felt all to huge . So I carried on with dinner parties, life got busy and that ambition died.

Nearly 20 years on I find myself in a very similar situation – I love my running , I love helping and I think I have a range of skills that gives me a chance this time – but that doubt is back, nagging away, sowing the seeds of self doubt.

But this time I have mechanisms to handle this. Little signals of affirmation that I can show myself that I can because I have!

The VLM 2019 shorts may not mean anything to the casual on-looker but they confirm to me I can overcome obstacles, I can achieve my goals.

Reflecting on this makes me realise those future clients won’t come to me because I’ve lifted more or gone for longer. Instead those clients hopefully recognise I was in their shoes not so long ago, I’ve faced those same challenges, I’ve put in the effort and reaped the rewards. That’s a different kind of credibility that connects I hope.

So which bone does the hip flexor connect to again?